Log in

18 October 2009 @ 03:22 pm

Yes, you.

You're a shitty friend. Just gotta say that.

I still feel bitter. Just, somedays, sometimes, I'll look at something or remember something and I'll feel really bitter. Today it was facebook. I saw your profile and had to click it and I saw who you are and signs of who you used to be, and I just started feeling bitter.

I'm a coward, so I'll probably never actually say any of this to your face, but I'm leaving this public. Maybe someday you'll come across it. Doubtful you'd make any efforts to say anything to me though, since you're a coward too, probably the biggest I've ever known.

You're a shitty friend, that's all there is to it. I spent so much time and money and emotion on you and you just threw it away or ignored it. I came to visit you twice. That second time? I don't know if you even cared. It's so hard to tell. I remember when Diane called and you only talked to her for a minute and said you were busy and hung up. When you went to Seattle you said I could call you, and I did and the same thing happened. I knew what you thought about Diane, and I was hurt that I would be treated the same way.

After you said you'd do all you could to make sure I could live there with you. After all the promises and forgotten efforts. I notice the little things, you know. I remember the little things, I cherish them. I don't know if you knew that or not, but at least I have a few memories I can still smile about.

Because the truth is, you WERE a good friend. I thought we could be best friends. I thought we WERE best friends. I still have no idea what happened that changed everything, but I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that deep down, you really are a shitty friend. And you're lazy.

That's probably the center of it all. Lazy.

Yeah, we're miles and miles apart and we only have a few methods of communication and we can't see each other as much as we'd like, and less than that. But come on. I write letters, I send gifts, I make the effort to save up and plan a visit. Jesus Christ. Come on.

I don't know. Maybe I am delusional. At least you could have said something. You just make no effort at all.

You know, I hope you have a good life. Really. Go for it, get everything you want, not that your expectations are very high, no doubt. Maybe I AM delusional. But I have a fucking soul.

I hope you have a good life. But I also hope that maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe a year or two from now, you'll wake up in the middle of the night with something on your mind, and you won't be able to pinpoint it or forget it or go back to sleep for days and then you'll realize it's me. I hope you think of me and remember me and I hope you have things to smile about, but I also hope you realize what a shitty thing you did to me, and I hope you feel guilty as hell.


29 August 2009 @ 02:35 am
Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Remy got a collar! It looks so handsome on him, and he's grown so much! I can tell he still has a lot of growing to do though, because he's got SERIOUS extra skin, haha. Like, you know how cats have scruffs? He's got a giant scruff, PLUS scruff all down his back. It's like he's a shar pei or something! Whatever those flappy dogs are called.

Anyway, he's just four months old, so he still has another couple at least to get to full size. I'm wondering if he'll get as big as Hamlet?


Oh, by the way, going back to Three Rivers tomorrow to get my hair fixed. Reports later!
Tags: ,
02 July 2009 @ 09:37 pm
I really do like writing poetry, and I haven't in a while, just because normally when I write poetry, I'm having some kind of mental episode. And I haven't had room for any of those lately, thanks to certain changes in my life.

But maybe I can still try to get some work done. Try to clarify a little bit more.

Let's see if this is any good.

"I think about you constantly"
Says the words
Pressed one at a time with the sent of ammonia and grief
Popped pocket locket up
(gyaku paka)
I'm hysteric to be your honey
Here, take all my money
Joking- joking- but the truth- truth-
"I think about you all the time"
So you're guilty
I see your sins stripes red white
Mooving (in circles?) crazy loops updownupdown
Why did I love your hair?
I have hair too.
Hers is worse
I like rhyming that with 'hearse'
Hit me. .b.u.l.l.e.t.
"I think about you sometimes"
Mass-produced sensations
Breaking all creations
Faking your temptations
I KNOW you remember
Die a tribe
Ours was young
OH that's rich

"I thought about you today"
09 June 2009 @ 01:05 pm
As some of you may know, I got my first tattoo while I was in Texas. Here's my experience, and pictures. Side note- I'm eating oreos and coffee right now and holy shit, best combination ever.

Onward and upward.

Sa's first tattooCollapse )

More pictures sooner or later. Promise.

24 April 2009 @ 12:20 am
Because I'm bored and these things are my new addiction.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Learn to make them in... some easy steps! Let's go!!

When you wish upon a star...Collapse )

Hope you have fun!

11 November 2008 @ 11:05 pm

20 September 2008 @ 02:21 pm
I kinda need money. So I'm gonna be selling some stuff. First up is my old dresses. When I say old, I don't mean like, sitting in the attic for decades. I've seriously only worn these things like, 1-3 times. Shall we begin?

Dresses for sale!Collapse )

Thank you so much for looking!

20 May 2008 @ 10:55 pm
Any Harry Potter fan who has watched a Harry Potter movie and gone 'Jeez, Harry, emo much?'...

...watch this.

19 May 2008 @ 05:17 pm
Let me walk you through this wonderful day so far.

Work was nice, for once. Not too stressful or busy or fucked up in any way. We got produce this morning, for the first time in like, a week? Heh. And Jose was there, and he was in a good mood the whole time. And that makes me happy. He came in with an energy drink and for some reason it made me want one too, so when I was out on a delivery, I stopped by QT and got one, a blue full throttle, because he said it was good. And it was. It tasted like sunshine dust and it made me move very fast, haha. At one point, Jose was digging in the topping bar and muttering about how everything was misplaced in there and he was just bitching and moaning and 'Who the fuck did this shit?!' so I looked at him and said 'Gnomes'. And without missing a beat, he said 'DAMN those gnomes. Damn them and their low airfare.' And I smiled for a million years. Then later, I got some dough out of the dough bowl (it weighs like, 45 pounds, but is much harder to lift and carry than say, a box weighing the same amount, because it is dough and it likes to be mushy and droopy and difficult. Anyway) and I had to bend way down to do it,  and my pants were definitely falling down, and Jose was behind me, and a few minutes later when I was cutting it he asked me 'Do you EVER wear drawers?' And I looked at him and said '...yes.' And he just laughed. And I laughed. And when he was going for a smoke break, he put his hand on my shoulder and said 'I'm gonna go smoke some drugs.' He never says it the same way twice. And that makes me happy too. And we listened to salsa music. Happy. And Jerel and I quoted Eddie Izzard to each other all day. Happy happy.

So after work, I go home for a bit, change, and go back out to see if I can get my wireless to work at Java and Cha. I ordered a medium and got a large. Plus. My wireless didn't work. Minus. When the guy brought me my drink, he looked at my laptop and saw the Gazette sticker on the back of it and he was like *GASP* 'Oh my god, the GazettE rocks.' And I looked at him and said 'Yes. Yes they do.' And I just sat there going 'Wow.' I've never experienced that before. Nobody's ever been like 'Oh yeah, I know that Japanese band, and I enjoy listening to them.' It made me happy. Oh yeah, PLUS.

So I got back in my car and drove to Target, where I purchased 70 dollars in merchandise. Minus. However, I pretty much need all of it, but the stuff I don't need I can take back tomorrow. Eh. I drove to Kroger to apply at the Starbucks there, which is actually hiring, and I also needed bananas, but after spending that much dough, I thought I'd just get the application only. But the minute I stepped foot into the store, my phone rang.

And it was the Starbucks I applied at last week.



I hung up the phone, turned around, got back in my car, and cried all the way home. I cried like Will Smith did at the end of The Pursuit of Happyness. And I listened to Strawberry Letter 23 as I plunged down the hill on Los Rios, through the golf course, and I smiled so huge and cried.

I fucking needed this.

And here I am, relaxing at home, getting pumped for some baseball. And I'm going to upload Strawberry Letter 23 for you, because it's a dazzling song, and it makes me happy and I want it to make you happy.

Hello, my love
I heard a kiss from you
Red magic satin playing near, too

All through the morning rain
I gaze - the sun doesn't shine -
Rainbows and waterfalls run through my mind

In the garden - I see west
Purple shower, bells and tea
Orange birds and river cousins dressed in green

Pretty music I hear - so happy
And loud - blue flower echo
From a cherry cloud

Feel sunshine sparkle pink and blue
Playgrounds will laugh
if you try to ask
Is it cool?, is it cool?

If you arrive and don't see me
I'm going to be with my baby
I am free - flying in her arms, over the sea

Stained window, yellow candy screen
See speakers of kite - with velvet roses diggin' freedom flight

A present from you - Strawberry letter 22
The music plays, I sit in for a few


A present from you - Strawberry letter 22
The music plays, I sit in for a few


Download, please.


PS: Go Rangers.
29 April 2008 @ 12:37 am
I felt poetic today, and it's been a while since I've written a poem, so I thought I'd do a poem a day for a week and post them here. I just had a lot of images in my head today and I wanted to put them together and share them.

Here is number one.

Feel free to leave constructive criticism?


Oddly enough, that had nothing to do with the images I thought of today.